Know Your Stars Naruto
by Chibi Horsewoman
Summary: If you’ve ever read any other Know Your Stars fanfiction or seen the skit Know Your Stars you’ll know what this story is about.
1. Victim one: Uzumaki Naruto

**Know Your Stars Naruto**

**Summary: If you've ever read any other Know Your Stars fanfiction or seen the skit Know Your Stars you'll know what this story is about. For those of you who don't know, Know Your Stars is a skit on All That which gives out false information on the characters of the show.**

**Dedication: Titi and Tom who are getting me hooked on Naruto**

**Disclaimer: That's not a place for dogs! That's a mine field!**

**Victim One: Uzumaki Naruto**

Naruto was busy practicing his ninja centerfold jujitsu when he came upon a door which was cracked open. Being the curious person he is Naruto wandered into the room and sat in a chair that just happened to be on a stage under a bright light.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars Uzumaki Naruto!" A voice suddenly declares making Naruto jump three feet into the air.

Appropriately startled Naruto begins to look around the room for the location of the voice. "Sasuke is that you?"

"Do I sound like I could be Sasuke?" The voice demands insulted that someone thought she was a he. "Uzumaki Naruto he is really an escapee from a federal prison and that is why he has an orange jumpsuit!"

"I'm only twelve how could I have been in federal prison?"

"You would be amazed." The voice replies. "Uzumaki Naruto who escaped from federal prison- he is the love child of Hongo Yui and Nakago from Fushigi Yugi."

"I did _not_ escape from federal prison!"

A girl with short blonde hair and blue eyes and a man with blonde mullet type hair and blue eyes burst in from separate doors.

"Yui san you had a child?" the man asks in an accusatory tone.

"I never even slept with you!What anidiot!" The blonde girl shoots back. "How the hell could I have had your child?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Fighting in front of the child." The voice scolds. "No wonder you were the villains."

"Hey! I was tricked by that sadist!" Yui points at Nakago when she says this.

Nakago tries to look hurt. "Who are you calling a sadist?"

"Oh I don't know maybe the guy who ripped a bird's head off?"

"Uh did I say love child? I meant hate child." The voice corrects herself.

"Please don't tell me that these two are my parents!" Naruto pleads.

"We are not your parents" Yui and Nakago say in unison.

"Thank Kami!"

"Uzumaki Naruto who escaped from a federal prison and is the love child of two Fushigi Yugi villains he really hates ramen!" The voice announces

"What! That is so not true! Believe it!" Naruto shouts angrily. " I love ramen!"

"Okay. Uzumaki Naruto- he wants to marry ramen."

"You can do that?" Naruto gets an image in his head of him marrying a cup of instant ramen.

"No! You can't really do that."

"Well don't tease me like that!"

The voice sighs and tries to think. Then a very odd idea pops into her head. "Uzumaki Naruto who escaped from a federal prison."

"Stop saying that!" Naruto shouts angrily.

"Will you shut up and let me finish?" The voice growls.

"Fine."

"Uzumaki Naruto, he is in love with Yamanaka Ino because her hair is made out of ramen."

Naruto begins to drool and his eyes begin to glaze over. "Is that true?"

The voice shrugs even though you can't see her doing that. "You know what? I have no idea."

"But it could be true."

"Yes what are you getting at?"

"I have to go find Ino!" Naruto jumps out of the chair and runs off to find the soon to be very unfortunate Yamanaka Ino.

The voice shakes her head (just picture it okay?) "And now you know Naruto the twelve year old who escaped from a federal prison."

_**The end**_

**Well this ends the first chapter of my newest story. I hope everyone liked it. The next chapter will be about Sakura so if anyone has any ideas please share them. I will give credit.**


	2. Victim two: Haruno Sakura

**Know Your Stars Naruto**

**Summary: If you've ever read any other Know Your Stars fanfiction or seen the skit Know Your Stars you'll know what this story is about. For those of you who don't know, Know Your Stars is a skit on All That which gives out false information on the characters of the show.**

**Dedication: Titi and Tom who are getting me hooked on Naruto**

**Disclaimer: This is a fanfic. Unless you're illiterate then it's just some designs on a computer screen.**

**Victim two: Haruno Sakura**

Sakura was hot and tired; she had just finished training and trailing Sasuke for half the day. Sakura was also grumpy because Naruto had knocked her over to try to find Ino. Sakura could not imagine why Naruto was so interested in Yamanaka Ino, it's not like she had hair made out of ramen which Sakura figured would be the only reason Naruto would be interested in someone like her.

So hot, tired, and grumpy Haruno Sakura was rather surprised to find a hidden room. Curious, the pink haired girl decided to investigate further and found a near empty room with a chair situated on a stage with a bright light.

Not suspecting a thing Sakura sat down in the chair and was soon greeted with a not very enjoyable experience.

"Know your stars! Know your stars! Know your stars…" A voice exclaimed causing Sakura to jump. "Haruno Sakura her forehead is the size of five billboards." (Thank you Ayi)

Sakura got an angry look on her face. "My forehead is not that big!" She cried.

"Yes it is. You're just in denial. Haruno Sakura, her forehead is so big that one day it will become a continent." (Thank you Dreamin' Demon Daze)

Inner Sakura began to seethe quietly as outer Sakura began a tirade. "My forehead is not that friggin' big you moron! Lay off!"

"Okay." The voice

"Just like that?" Sakura sounds suspicious.

"Well yeah for now. Haruno Sakura, she has a lot of acne and covers it up with thick concealer." ( Thanks Nostalgic Love Letter)

"WHAT! That's really not true, I have good skin! I don't _need_ to wear make-up!"

"Oh really? Then why did I find all these tubes of Benefit Galactic Shield?" A bunch of small concealer pens fall from the ceiling onto Sakura's head.

"Hey where did you get those?" Sakura demanded angrily.

"Your room where else?"

Inner Sakura is about to explode.

"Haruno Sakura, her hair is pink because it's made out of cotton candy!" The voice announces.

"It most certainly is not!" Sakura shouted angrily.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not! If my hair was made out of cotton candy don't you think it would disintegrate when it gets wet?"

"Hmm, let's test that theory." The voice pushed a button and immediately a bucket of water was dumped on Sakura's head. Sakura was soaking wet now, but her hair hadn't disintegrated. "Dammit!"

"See I told you!" Sakura growls angrily as she shivers. Inner Sakura is getting ready to punch someone.

"Fine whatever. Haruno Sakura she hates people with normal sized foreheads because that reminds her that she has a freakishly large forehead." (Again thanks Dreamin' Demon Daze) The voice taunts.

"Shut up about my forehead I thought you were going to just leave it!"

"Sakura she is in therapy because of her huge forehead!"

"That's not true! You're lying!" Inner Sakura looks like she's about to kill someone.

"That's not what your therapist told me!" The voice replies smugly.

"Ooh when I find out who you are I'm going to kick your butt clear across the northern hemisphere."

"Sakura she is extremely violent because of her large forehead!"

"If you say one more thing about my forehead I'm leaving!" Sakura warns.

"Haruno Sakura, she rents out her abnormally sized forehead to companies to advertise on so she can afford concealer."

"That's it!" Sakura runs out of the room.

"And now you know Haruno Sakura- future continent head."

_**The end Thanks for reading!**_

**Review shout outs: Ayi, PurpleNova823, Dreamin' Demon DAZE, Nostalgic Love Letter, Beetchy bebe, Neko11lover, and Justin Credible.**

**Next is Uchiha Sasuke. Any suggestions?**


	3. Victim three: Uchiha Sasuke

**Know Your Stars Naruto**

**Summary: If you've ever read any other Know Your Stars fanfiction or seen the skit Know Your Stars you'll know what this story is about. For those of you who don't know, Know Your Stars is a skit on All That which gives out false information on the characters of the show.**

**Dedication: Titi and Tom who are getting me hooked on Naruto**

**Disclaimer: Hey don't defrost my friends have to suck on you!**

**Victim three: Uchiha Sasuke**

Uchiha Sasuke was in the middle of looking for a book on a type of jutsu he could use to impress Sakura. Not that she really needed to be impressed or that Sasuke really gave a rat's behind. He just needed something to do.

Well thanks to a little pre planning the voice had laid the book that Sasuke wanted on the chair in the room and placed a sign saying library on the door. Not noticing anything wrong with this picture, Sasuke walked in, picked up the book and sat down.

"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars, Uchiha Sasuke he is really a kitty cat." The voice says happily.

"What the hell? I am not a cat! Do I look like a cat?" Sasuke demands.

"Well no. But I thought you had those cute little whiskers." The voice admits sounded disappointed.

" I don't have whiskers, that's Naruto!"

"Ok. Uchiha Sasuke, his best friend is cat boy Uzumaki Naruto!" The voice shouts.

"Okay you crazy person. One, Naruto is _not_ my best friend and two Naruto is not a cat boy. He has a nine tailed fox sealed within him."

"Uchiha Sasuke, he is in complete and utter denial that he is friends with Uzumaki Naruto who is the cat boy who escaped from a federal prison." (Thank you Titi AKA Ayi)

At that precise moment Naruto came bursting in. "I am _not _a cat boy!" the blonde boy shouted.

"Okay. Uchiha Sasuke, he is in complete and utter denial that he is friends with Uzumaki Naruto who escaped from a federal prison." The voice corrected herself.

"I am so not a convict we went over this before! Dattebayo! (1)"

"Yeah, whatever. Uchiha Sasuke, he never learned how to activate the Sharingan, so he uses contact lenses that have the swirls drawn on there with Sharpie markers to fool his opponents." (Again thank you Titi AKA Ayi) The voice giggles at that one.

"Oh man! Sasuke is that true?" Naruto gasps, the small blonde ninja is trying hard not to laugh and Sasuke anime punches him out of the room.

"Of course that's not true you moron!" Sasuke yells as Naruto disappears into the sky.

"Uchiha Sasuke, he gets really angry when people find out the truth about his Sharingan really being contact lenses."

"They're not contact lenses! I really have the Sharingan! I inherited it from my clan!" Sasuke is nearly yelling now.

"Uchiha Sasuke, his real life ambition is to become a mime."

"What?" Sasuke nearly falls out of his chair. "Where did you get wanting to be a mime? Especially after that outburst?"

"Yes, Uchiha Sasuke really wants to become a mime. But he can't shut up so he has to be a ninja and make up something about a task he has to finish."

"I didn't make anything up! I have to avenge my clan! That's my goal!" Sasuke is shouting again. If this wasn't a sound proof room, there would be a crowd gathering outside the door.

"See, I knew you can't be a mime because you can't shut up! Uchiha Sasuke, he is secretly in love with Hyuga Hinata." (Thanks Rina Hidden mist Ninja AKA Mewy)

"What? That's crazy I don't like Hinata that way. I might be in love with someone else!"

At this announcement a horde of fan girls descends upon the set and began to swarm around Sasuke crying and shouting and asking, "How could you?" Seeing no other alternative Sasuke used an invisibility jutsu and disappeared. This was done much to the dismay of the fan girls who then dispersed into the area on a world wide search.

"And now you know Uchiha Sasuke the wannbe mime." The voice sighed.

_**End!**_

**Well I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you very much Rina Hidden mist Ninja, Narutofan123, Ayi, Nekolover11, and Beetchy Babe. Next up is Yamanaka Ino so get those ideas in.**

**1.) This is just an exclamation that Naruto says in the Japanese subs. Viz translated it to 'Believe it!'**


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